“It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.”
Raised By Abandonment
One of our primary human drives is to have a healthy sense of belonging with family, friends, tribe and beyond. It could be said to be a necessity if one is to have the experience of being a whole human. Sadly, our societies have largely set up systems devoid of mature adults to gather and guide the young, so the young are left to raise one another. When this happens, we end up with people who never really grow up. Children cannot raise other children to be adults.
In the absence of mature and present adults modeling deep experiences of family, friendship and community, we find only a void. This void becomes filled with the fears of childhood abandonment fueled with the faction-forming hormones of adolescent emergence and directed by media fashions and trends that lure us with notions of powerful identity yet deliver only on the surface. It is a crisis of belonging in which we believe true bonding is only found through a shared trauma.
Misery Loves Company
For many, the sense of victimhood is so central to our sense of identity that we seek out others with whom to share it. Our closest “friends” are those that will commiserate with us ad nauseam. We meet to bemoan our existences in a sort of competition of who’s got it worse and who. We tell ourselves that it is healthy, that we are just venting. But when it is omnipresent in one’s social life, it is nothing so healthy as a much-needed rant. Instead, it is a compulsive feeding and validation of the negativity, which is feeding on us.
We may restrict this bond to just one or a few of those closest to us, most like us. We may also form tribes of such negative peer bonding. We see this in gangs, political parties, religions and social media. When we understand how our addiction to misery and bonding through it, has us blinded to our better natures, it becomes clear how our world has become so driven by unresolved adolescent fears.
A Culture Of Victimhood
Being victimized is a very real thing that happens to far too many people. Perhaps all of us in one way or another, to one degree or another. But a victim, given the community and other resources needed to address their plight, can turn their wounds into the stones that pave their path of soul. However, without such education and community support, we are thrown into the melting pot of wounding that is society. We find our place on the spectrum of tyrants to serfs, playing out the control dramas born of our forsaken, unresolved youth.
We build ideologies on our loss. We build empires on our lack. We cloister with those who feel the same as we do, or even the opposite, to feed on and feed the suffering by how we talk with one other. We cannot hope to change the structures of society that reinforce our abandonment or even our personal relations if we do not see-through and address our indoctrination and entrainment into such folly.
Suggested Divinatory Meanings
How am I indulging in my suffering?
How am I enjoying the suffering of others?
How am I encouraging others to reinforce their suffering?
Am I bonding with others through loss in a way that amplifies that loss?
Are my social connections based on commiseration?
Am I identifying with my wounds in such a way that keeps me, or others, from healing?
Do I see a pattern of self-reflective suffering that is draining rather than releasing?
Can I commiserate with another without losing myself in the misery of it?
Who would I be if I no longer identified with my losses?
Do I have negative communication patterns that I can leave behind?